How do we build intentional relationships with people?—By seeking spiritual conversations with them

If there is someone in your life who doesn’t know the Lord and you really want to help them turn to him for salvation, you need to recognise that if they are going to move from where they are to faith in Christ, there is going to be a spiritual journey for them. Here’s the second thing to recognise: if you want to be a part of their journey to faith in Christ, then you need to go on a relational journey toward them!

 

What does that journey look like? First, you move your relationship from the ‘acquaintance’ level to the ‘friend’ level. Then you start going deeper than the surface in your conversations. You start talking about life issues, both the joys and the pain, both the hopes and the disappointments. That is, you get into each other’s lives. Many friendships never make it to this level, but all it really takes is asking the right questions that take your relationship deeper: “Are you happy?” “What are the most important things in life to you?” “What is your relationship with your kids like?” “Do you feel close to your spouse?”

 

The next step in your relational journey as you help someone journey toward Christ is to move on from personal conversations to spiritual conversations. This is a real turning point for that person as they start to think and talk about God and about Jesus, especially as you share your own personal experience of a relationship with God, rather than simply religious activity.

 

Many Christians are very nervous about how to start a spiritual conversation. They are afraid it will feel forced or awkward. But if you are already talking on the personal level about life issues and hopes and disappointments it is actually very natural to bring up what God means to you in those areas of your life. In addition, questions are a natural way to start spiritual conversations. When you ask someone a question about spiritual things it lets them open up at whatever level they are comfortable with, rather than feeling forced: “What do you think of Jesus?” “What do you think happens to a person’s spirit when their body dies?” “Have you ever felt like God was reaching out to you?” “What do you think it means to be a Christian?” “What do you think of the Bible?” “What do you think is different about the major religions?” “Tell me about your journey with God?”

 

Once you have had a good spiritual conversation with someone, which you have both engaged in positively, you should be looking for and creating an opportunity to share the gospel with them, or even better, invite them to start a gospel Bible study with you.

 

As you think about the people in your life who don’t know the Lord, take a deep breath and make the commitment to start the relational journey toward them that will help them make the journey to faith in Jesus!

 

How do we build intentional relationships with people?—By overcoming our fear of being rejected!

One of the most significant barriers in building meaningful and intentional relationships with people who need Jesus is the fear of being rejected. Fear paralyses us when we want to say our first hello, extend ourselves to form a friendship, communicate on a deeper level and build trust to bring the relationship closer.

 

Rejection stings, and as humans, it is natural for us to shy away from things that will bring emotional or physical pain. Due to this, many people develop a fear of rejection. I can relate to this as I grew up lacking self-confidence and was severely shy. I can say that I have missed out most of my school years because of the dread of being rejected!

 

How can you step past this fear and into meaningful relationships? Avoid awkward silences by being chatty to start a conversation. Don’t know what to chat about? Before the conversation starts, think of a few questions you could ask. This will almost always lead to a good conversation.

 

Try to find people with common interests—join a local sports team, book club, or volunteer with other parents in your children’s school, creative group, 4WD group or even camping groups. If the idea of joining a group is not applicable in your current situation, strike up a conversation with someone in a public place: a coffee shop, restaurant, library, park, in a plane or a taxi. Again, use questions to start these conversations. Your next God appointment might just be sitting beside you at the train station! I say this because we have known three families in our life group whom my husband and I have met as total strangers inside the train and on the train station itself on separate occasions!

 

We have to accept the fact that not everyone will be interested or ready to form a friendship with us or to receive the gospel. It might be tempting to think that we should have kept quiet rather than shared the truth. Rejection should not retract our devotion to Jesus and our commitment to the Great Commission. No relationship is more precious, none more important than our relationship with the Lord! In the same way, there is no life as fulfilling as when you have lived for his purpose!

 

Remember the rejection Jesus experienced during his lifetime, on the cross and his sacrifice up to this day. He was rejected by the Jews, by the Pharisees, his hometown, and by HIS FRIENDS who pledged they loved him and would never leave him! Ultimately, Christ suffered tremendous rejection when his own Father, turned his face away from him on the cross. We serve a Saviour who suffered in the flesh for our sake. Though he did not sin, he bore our sins so that we might be saved. Remember that because of what Jesus has done for us, we will never face the rejection of God again (1 Samuel 12:22).

 

Capturing this in my mind makes me cringe to think that I am even concerned or bitter when I receive rejection in my quest of building redemptive relationships. I encourage you, the next time you are rejected, to take time to consider the most unfathomable painful rejection our Lord received!

 

“The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me.” Luke 10:16 With this in mind, do not take rejection personally, because it is never about you!

How do we build intentional relationships with people?—See yourself as partnering with God

When I think back over my journey towards Jesus, I can see a multitude of people God sent into my life to help me encounter him personally.

 

God sent me into a family with a father who brought us up with the knowledge of God.

 

As a young boy, God also sent Scripture Teachers into my primary school to share Bible stories and the good news of Jesus.

 

As a teen, God sent me youth group leaders who followed Jesus and wanted to help me as a teen understand my need for a Saviour.

 

Then when I started working, God sent me Christian bosses who showed me what Christian life and work looks like.

 

As a young adult, God sent me a girl friend who knew Jesus and was willing to invite me into her world to experience Christian community.

 

And behind the scenes I know there was an army of Christians praying for me throughout my years, that God would continue to draw me to himself.

 

When it comes to building intentional relationships with people, you need to understand that you are not alone. You are partnering with God in what he is already doing in peoples lives. He is already preparing the way for you and will use you to help them move one step closer to encountering him personally.

 

Your role isn’t to do God’s job, it’s to allow God to work through you in the lives of the people around you.

 

Take a moment to think about and write down all the people God sent into your life to help you encounter him personally. Stop and thank him for each one of them.

 

Now take a moment and ask God to show you who he has sent you into a relationship with to help them encounter him personally. Ask God how you can partner with him in what he is already doing in their life.

 

Now go, partnering with God as his sent one!

 

How do we build intentional relationships with people?—Invite them into relational environments and into other spheres of relationships you have

Recently, an acquaintance showed some interest in doing a short course with me to explore the Christian message for himself. We have a mutual friend that encouraged him to do the course and another couple we both know who wanted to host the group at their house.

 

We decided to meet on a Monday night. We began with five of us and by the end of the first night they asked if others could join the group and I asked if my son could come along too. Within just a few weeks of getting together the group decided that we should have a family day out four-wheel driving and invite others they knew and my whole family so we could all get to know each other.

 

The family day out was so much fun, four-wheel driving, laughing over the two-way radios, lunch together and conversation. The invitation to join them was significant and really touched my heart.

 

What does it tell you when people want to spend time with you outside of your normal social setting? What are you communicating when you invite people who may have different beliefs to you into your other spheres of relationships?

 

It communicates the value we place on that relationship and the desire to go deeper.

 

A way you can build relationships with people is to intentionally invite them into your other relational environments and your other spheres of relationships.

In which environments do you naturally connect with people?

What are the natural spheres of relationships you have?

How can you overlap these two circles?

It is in the overlap that your relationships will go to a whole new level.

What fun day could you organise and invite your spheres of relationship to?

When could you host a small group of people at your house?

Who can you invite to explore the Christian message?

Don’t wait – take the initiative today!

 

Are you looking for a simple tool to journey with people towards Christ? Check out LifeWorks.  The perfect experience to share with friends who don’t yet know Christ.

How do we build intentional relationships with people?—By caring more about the needs of others than how they treat you!

This blog series aims to help you build intentional relationships with people because of the foundational principle that the gospel spreads through relationships. John already shared with you the first answer to the question:

 

How do we build intentional relationships with people?…

Ask questions!

 

Today’s answer that I would like to bring to light is:

 

Follow Jesus’ example of building intentional relationships by caring more about the needs of others than how they treat you!

 

It is so easy to care for someone who appreciates you, but it is a whole different story to care for someone who doesn’t deserve your love or when they don’t treat you well. I am guilty of this!

 

We will always be flawed as human beings, looking at the speck in our brother’s eye, but not noticing the log that is in our own eyes! We easily forget how God has been patient with us all these times! Isn’t it true that God’s patience toward us is greater than our tolerance toward our friends, co-workers or acquaintances or strangers?

 

So, how do I quickly come back to my senses when I get discouraged with people? Easy! When I am tempted to lose patience with someone, I think how incredibly patient God has been with me! As I reflect on his patience toward me, it also makes me remember that he is still patiently waiting for others. “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). When we freely receive God’s patience, it compels our hearts to share it with everyone around us. When you show unworldly love—a love that is sacrificial and without boundaries, preferences, or condition—God’s character shines forth.

 

Throughout his life, Jesus demonstrated his care and compassion for people. Jesus thought of others before he thought of himself. He genuinely cared about people, even when society considered them sinners, unlovable or unthinkable. Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, fed thousands of people, healed the sick and breathed life into the dead. He spent a lot of time caring and providing for the needs of others.

 

Jesus spent most of his time thinking and placing the needs of others before his own. Even in his agony at the cross during his last few hours before his death at the cross, Jesus’ concern was for the forgiveness of the Roman soldiers who mocked him, beat him, spat on him, whipped him, put a crown of thorns on his head and nailed him to the cross! “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Jesus lived a life of complete humility and led by serving.

 

If you want to follow Jesus’ example of building intentional relationships, you have to start by getting down on your knees and asking God to change your heart and teach you to love others with kindness and compassion regardless of how they treat you! In Ephesians 2:10 it says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

As Christ’s followers, we have been sent by Jesus into every encounter with every person, in every circumstance and in every day of our lives. To whom God has sent you to lend a helping hand? To whom God has sent you to pray for or maybe to encourage someone who much needed it? Does someone in your workplace need a ride? Does someone need a simple act of kindness—perhaps a struggling mum at the store or an elderly that might need some help? Be observant to the needs of others. As Christ’s follower, we have inexhaustible opportunities to follow Jesus’ lead to love, care and serve those people around us. If at times we get disheartened, show the world the ONE who is patient with us. Are you ready to answer Jesus’ call?