How do we build intentional relationships with people?—Prioritise personal time with them in your schedule

 

There is a big difference between what is important and what is important to me. I may know that it is important to get up in time to read God’s word and pray about my day, but that doesn’t mean that getting up for God is important to me. In fact, the gap (between what you know is important and what is important to you) is the basis for much of the guilt that you carry around. This is true for your life as witness for Jesus.

 

When you look at Jesus’ life, you see that he was crazy busy with the demands of ministry to people. Yet it was important to him to spend time with “sinners”. He was committed to it, even when the religious people around him criticised him for it. He knew that “It is not the well that need a doctor but the sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

 

You know that following Jesus means building relationships with secular people who see the world so differently from you. But the thought of that makes you a little uncomfortable. So, while you know it is important to spend time with those people, you realise that it is not important to you. Or put another way, it so easily gets squeezed out by the many other things that clamour for your time.

 

Here’s an important principle for putting the truly important things into your life: if they don’t end up on your calendar they will probably not happen. Truly important things are usually not urgent things, and the urgent things get all your attention. So when you recognise that one of God’s biggest purposes for you here on earth is to be his witness in the lives of people who don’t know him, block out time on your calendar to spend with those people. It’s the only way that what is important will become important to you.

 

Set aside an evening next week to invite someone over for dinner who doesn’t yet know the Lord. Put it into your calendar. If someone asks you to do something with them then, let them know you already have something in your calendar (even if you have not yet spoken with your non-Christian friend about dinner).

 

If you want this habit of spending personal time with people who need Christ to become a part of your life, then you have to start by scheduling it as a priority. As you watch God start to use you to journey with that person to faith in him, you will find that what is important is becoming important to you!

How do we build intentional relationships with people?—Invite them into your home

Most of us have moved into a new house or a new neighbourhood at some point. Or even had someone new move in next to us. I have quite a bit of experience of this, having moved around as a kid many times and then recently having moved across the country with my family.

 

You will know the experience of meeting your new neighbours. They may come to the door to say hi, or you may go to their door. More likely though is that first meeting will occur over the fence or in the street. You both out in your yard or going for a walk, and that first introduction where you say hi, talk about the weather and your respective families and then say something like, “Good to meet you, see you next time.”

 

You may have a few interactions with them after that off and on. But for some neighbours there comes a time that you invite them over for a meal (or vice versa). And from then on, your relationship changes. No longer are you just “over the fence chat” acquaintances, but you start on the road to becoming friends.

 

I say all of this to illustrate this point. One of the most powerful things you can do for someone you know who doesn’t know the Lord is to invite them into your home. And by this I don’t mean for a one off so you can preach the gospel to them. By this I mean, invite them into your home with the intention of getting to know them, becoming friends, indeed opening your heart and your family to them.

 

In the post-modern society we live in people arrive at truth by experiencing it, not simply by having it preached to them. And we know that having positive encounters with real Christians greatly increases the “speed” of someone coming to Christ. The more they are around you and your family, the more opportunities there are for them to see true Christianity in action and the more they experience and see the difference Jesus has made in your life.

 

I am sure you already know this, but remember to be genuine. There is no bigger turn-off than someone pretending. Show a genuine interest in them and what concerns them. Not so that you can then preach to them, but rather so that you can know them! Remember, spending time with people is the best way to grow closer to them. And the closer you are, the more able you are to meet them where they need to be met!

 

When we genuinely care for those around us who don’t know the Lord, it is both a natural and a powerful step to open our hearts to them, invite them into our homes and journey with them towards faith in Jesus Christ.

How do we build intentional relationships with people?—Invite them into relational environments and into other spheres of relationships you have

Recently, an acquaintance showed some interest in doing a short course with me to explore the Christian message for himself. We have a mutual friend that encouraged him to do the course and another couple we both know who wanted to host the group at their house.

 

We decided to meet on a Monday night. We began with five of us and by the end of the first night they asked if others could join the group and I asked if my son could come along too. Within just a few weeks of getting together the group decided that we should have a family day out four-wheel driving and invite others they knew and my whole family so we could all get to know each other.

 

The family day out was so much fun, four-wheel driving, laughing over the two-way radios, lunch together and conversation. The invitation to join them was significant and really touched my heart.

 

What does it tell you when people want to spend time with you outside of your normal social setting? What are you communicating when you invite people who may have different beliefs to you into your other spheres of relationships?

 

It communicates the value we place on that relationship and the desire to go deeper.

 

A way you can build relationships with people is to intentionally invite them into your other relational environments and your other spheres of relationships.

In which environments do you naturally connect with people?

What are the natural spheres of relationships you have?

How can you overlap these two circles?

It is in the overlap that your relationships will go to a whole new level.

What fun day could you organise and invite your spheres of relationship to?

When could you host a small group of people at your house?

Who can you invite to explore the Christian message?

Don’t wait – take the initiative today!

 

Are you looking for a simple tool to journey with people towards Christ? Check out LifeWorks.  The perfect experience to share with friends who don’t yet know Christ.

How do we build intentional relationships with people?—By asking the right questions!

Some people are opposed to the idea of building intentional relationships with people who need Jesus. They think those relationships are fake. While it is very possible to be non-genuine in a relationship by only using it to tell someone the gospel, it is also very possible to have deeply meaningful relationships that are also intentional. For example, parents love their children dearly and want a deep, meaningful relationship with them. At the same time, parents are intentional in those relationships as they work to develop their kids into the right kind of adults.

In the same way, we are building meaningful friendships with people in our lives who need Jesus, and at the same time we are being intentional about introducing them to Christ. But how do we make sure our relationships are intentional? The biggest way we see Jesus bringing intentionality into his relationships is through questions.

The questions you ask the people in your life shape your conversations and move your relationship in a direction. If the only questions you ask are things to do with pop culture or politics, then your relationships will sit at that level. But as soon as you ask questions about a person’s desires for the future, or their concerns for their family, or the person they hope to become, your conversations move to a whole different level. Talking with people about their personal lives helps both you and them to identify their deep felt-needs in life.

When your relationship is comfortable talking at this personal level it is much more meaningful. At that point, asking questions that lead to spiritual conversations will lead to open discussions that are very real and genuine. That’s when the gospel can naturally fit and will find open hearts.

If you have relationships that you want to become intentional with and move towards God-conversations, learn to ask the right questions that will move that relationship towards Christ!